The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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