I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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