Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
