No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
