Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
