ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
