I just saw a hot homeless man
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
