so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
