i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
