Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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