we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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