I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
