and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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