wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
