Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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