Pants 0. Shit 1.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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