PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
