I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
