I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
