So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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