saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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