Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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