And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
