tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
