Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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