i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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