Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
