omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sorry about my life...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
