No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
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