I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
