So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
