i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize