"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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