Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
