The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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