just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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