You're my little dorito
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
