are you so shy because you have an std?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
