Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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