one two three fourrrrnication!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
