I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
