and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
