Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
