It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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