You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Alive.
So much puke
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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