okay pat passed out under dana's car
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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