Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
