I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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