My girlfriend figured out who you are.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I want her autograph on my taint
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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