I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
