Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
