You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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