Who wears a wallet chain?!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
