she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize