So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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