Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
pray to the hookup gods
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
