Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
