you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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