She is in my trunk
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
