They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
