There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
