im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize