Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
