When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
