one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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