i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize