I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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