just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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